September 3

On the entire planet, there are only nine countries smaller than San Marino, which was founded on the 3rd of September in the year 301 C.E. by Saint Marinus. San Marino is not only the oldest republic still in existence but it is among the smallest, ranking 223rd out of 232 recognized nations. The statistics however fail to take into consideration the many micronations that have declared their independence. Micronations like Terre d’riches and the Virtual Commonwealth of Cyberia prove that not everyone has lost their sense of humor. I think however that I would be just a bit reluctant to try to cross any international borders with a passport issued by the Purple Bunny Federation. The micronation of Sealand takes itself somewhat more seriously, but even they never really remove their tongue from their cheek but that’s what happens when you choose to squat on an abandoned gun platform in the North Sea off the coast of England.

September 2

You might want to consider the following when you use the top brown setting on your toaster oven. Thomas Farriner was a baker who plied his trade in a building on Pudding Lane in London, England. On the 2nd of September in 1666, London was in the midst of a storm whose defining features were high winds but very little rain. At approximately 2:00 a.m., a fire broke out in Farriner’s bakery. Fed by high winds, the fire would rage uncontrollably for three days until almost the entire city had been consumed by the flames that had broken out in the bakery. Surprisingly not many people died from the fire but the greater part of London was burnt to the ground. It would be decades before London would recover. The fire did however give restoration England the opportunity to rebuild the city in what must be the most extensive urban renewal project of all time, securing Christopher Wren’s place in the pantheon of the heroes of architectural innovation.

September 1

On the 1st of September in 1906, a group of attorneys established the International Federation of Intellectual Property Attorneys. I am reasonably certain that there is no connection between the formation of this group of lawyers and the outbreak of World War 1 in June of 1914 though it should be noted that lawyers were involved in both instances. That could be merely a coincidence but in the times we live in one cannot be too careful.

An introduction to September

That cold rush of wind you just felt, that sent a chill down your spine, was nothing more than Summer packing its bags and getting out of town as quickly as it can. Oh, I realize that Summer isn’t over until the 23rd when the Autumnal Equinox creeps in through an open window, lays its icy, skeletal fingers on your shoulder, and prepares to do what it does best: getting everyone ready for Winter, which is following close upon Autumn’s heels. However, for all practical purposes Summer is over the moment the clock strikes midnight on September 3. When Labor Day gets here, remember to wear protective headgear, use plenty of sunscreen, drink plenty of fluids, and never stare directly into the Sun. I don’t quite know why, but that just seems to be good advice.

August 31

In 1869, on the 31st, Mary Ward, a prominent British scientist, was traveling to a meeting of the Royal Astronomical Society in a steam-powered automobile that had been designed and built by two of her cousins. The vehicle was traveling at the breakneck speed of 4 mph when, as luck would have it, she fell out of the passenger compartment and was run over by the vehicle. She died almost instantly, did not pass Go, and went directly in to the record books as the first person to die because of an automobile accident.

August 30

On the 30th in 1909, near Mount Burgess in the Canadian Rockies, near Field, British Columbia Charles Doolittle Walcott stumbled on to a fossil bed. But of course he stumbled on to it, why do you think they call them the Rockies? My uninformed guess is that they’re called that probably because of all the rocks there, which have a tendency to make walking problematic. What Walcott found was an area which was extraordinarily rich in fossil specimens not previously seen anywhere in the world. There were some rather ordinary specimens of trilobites (Which apparently a dime a dozen in some places.) but there was an overwhelming presence of fossils unique to what would come be referred to as the Burgess Shale fossil beds. One of my favorites is the Hallucigenia sparsa, probably because it has such a neat name. It seems that this little darling walked on bilaterally symmetrical spines: that has got to be tough. Another one that caught my fancy was Opabinia, which had five eyes and ‘a snout like a vacuum cleaner.’ How cool is that? My hat’s off to Mr. Walcott. Now for that to be a meaningful gesture I suppose I’ll have to go out and get a hat.

August 29

On the 29th in 1475, King Louis XI of France agreed, on the signing of the Treaty of Picquigny which ended a brief war between France and England, to pay King Edward IV of England 75,000 crowns on his signing the treaty and an additional 50,000 crowns yearly thereafter to insure that King Edward IV would not return to France. King Edward agreed and signed the treaty in spite of the fact that he already had a perfectly serviceable crown and did not really need any more of them. The signing of the treaty marks the last time that anyone had to be paid to not go to France, most people being compelled by the dictates of good taste to scrupulously avoiding going there. Of course, the modern French government still pays Jerry Lewis to come to France. The French, afflicted with an unhealthy interest in cheese, look at Lewis as a sort of god, which is a clear indication that perhaps France doesn’t take seriously the concept of civilization.

August 28

Leo Tolstoy was born on the 28th of August in 1828. You must understand that since Russia did not adopt the Gregorian calendar until 1918, this is his birthday as reckoned using the Julian calendar. You must also understand that this also means that I will be able to use this entry on September 9, his birthday as calculated by the Gregorian calendar, which means I am a hundred or so words ahead of the game. Tolstoy is widely considered one of the preeminent Russian writers. His work offers a lighthearted counterpoint to the lyricism and devil-may-care attitude that pervades much of, fellow writer and countryman, Fyodor Dostoevsky’s work. Tolstoy is probably best known for the novel War and Peace. A production company purchased the film rights to this book in the 1940s. They were probably hoping to capitalize on the success of Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell in The Front Page by pairing Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn as the leads in a madcap romantic comedy. Sadly, adequate financing was never obtained and the world is the poorer for it.