July 19

On the 19th in 1843, the SS Great Britain was launched. Isambard Kingdom Brunel built the vessel. It was the first ocean going vessel with an iron hull and a screw propeller and at the time was the largest vessel afloat in the entire world. In 1828 Isambard had built the Thames Tunnel which, oddly enough ran under the Thames River in England.

July 18

On the 18th in 1792, John Paul Jones, hero of the American Revolutionary war, died quietly in his bed at home. After the war in America, Jones entered into the service of the Russian navy. In retirement, he moved to Paris, where he would spend the rest of his days.

John Paul Jones was of a very diminutive stature. In fact, he was tiny. It was Abigail Adams’s opinion that she “should sooner think of wrapping him up in cotton wool and putting him in my pocket, than sending him to contend with cannon ball.”

July 17

Marie-Madeleine-Marguerite d'Aubray, Marquise de Brinvilliers, made her mark due chiefly to her mastery of the fine art of poisoning. Every charity event she attended ended up providing her with the use of a fresh batch of the hideous poor people who went to those things just so they could be used by Marie as guinea pigs whenever she came up with a new batch of poison. She paid many visits to hospitals so that she could test run her stock of poisons on the yucky poor and downtrodden that hung out in those places. She managed to conceal her crimes for quite a while. All good things must come to an end however, and one fine, sunny day she turned her gaze towards her father and siblings. Apparently, de Brinvilliers felt that there was a rift in the fabric of her family’s lives. Most members of a family have ‘issues’ with the other members. Marie-Madeleine however, must have had some really serious issues with her family because she, together with her lover, Godin de Sainte-Croix took out her father, brother, and two sisters. She wanted them out of the way so that she would be in position to assume control of the family’s business and inherit all of their property; One day, reality showed up on her doorstep and knocked her on the back of her head to get her attention. Reality then, on the 17th in 1676, proceeded to extract payment for all of de Brinville’s crimes. At the time, French had a very odd view of just what the procedure for properly executing someone should be. They had to have paid a lot of attention to that because executions were public affairs, sort of like an Oregon county fair today. The first thing the dear girl had to do was drink 16 pints of water (To be frank, I really doubt that the dear girl could have been that thirsty.). Once that bit was out of the way, Marie was taken to a guillotine. Once at the place of execution, she had her clothes taken off. I imagine that was a big hit with the spectators, though I rather think that it must have been embarrassing for poor Marie. The spectators also missed the best part, seeing her head stuck on a pike, because she was immediately burned at the stake.

American serial killer, Edmund Kemper killed 10 people. One of his signature acts was to decapitate his female victims and put their head on a stick. Today he remains in Vacaville State Prison where he has been sine 1974. Recently, when asked what he thought when he saw a pretty woman, Ed said, “I wonder how her head would look on a stick.”

July 16

On the 16th in 1931, Ethiopia’s emperor, Haile Selassie[i] I (pictured), signed that country’s first constitution. Selassie, probably called ‘Hi’ by his friends as a kid, was not a slacker by any means; he traced his family line back to King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba, not too shabby at all. However, I can trace mine, back to Rinaldo Rossetti and Alma Hansen, so I’m not that impressed. He must have been an extremely popular monarch though, because some people considered him Jesus Christ returned to earth. Selassie’s followers would become the founders of the Rastifari movement. They grabbed the name from Haile’s name before he became emperor, which was Rasta Fari Makonnen[ii], Rasta meaning prince. Selassie did nothing to call into question the idea being kicked around at the time that he was actually God incarnate. I mean really, who would? Being considered God has lots of perks attached to it. Jim Jones[iii] felt the same way, though he didn’t fare nearly as well as Selassie did.
[i] His name means “Power of the Trinity”.
[ii] As a kid, Selassie probably hung out with Arthur Rimbaud, a rapidly dissipating poet sort of guy, who was a close friend of Selassie’s daddy Ras Makkonnen.
[iii] After graduate school at Indiana University, Jones sold pet monkeys door-to-door to raise the money to fund his own church which he planned to name Wings of Deliverance. He ultimately decided on the name Peoples Temple.

July 15

On the 15th in 1815, Napoleon Bonaparte found himself for the second time in British hands. He had previously escaped from his exile on Elba, returned to France and raised an army that he would use to once again take over most of Europe. After his defeat to the British at Waterloo, Napoleon knew that the game was up. Of course, he plea-bargained, doesn’t everyone? He then surrendered to the captain of the HMS Bellerophon, Sir Frederick Lewis Maitland. He stepped onboard the ship fully confident that by throwing his imperial self on the mercy of the British monarch he would be allowed to live in freedom and luxury in London or be allowed to change planes and simply head off to America. The plea deal must have not worked out though, because upon surrendering he was immediately sent with, horror of horrors, only a few servants to St. Helena in the South Atlantic where he would spend the rest of his days, when compared to the Tower Of London, in luxury. (The picture was done much earlier in Napoleon’s career. As for the look, as Billy Joel pointed out, all it takes is looks and a whole lotta money)

The Bellerophon had a heck of a career. She participated in the battles, the Glorious First of June, the Battle of the Nile and the Battle of Trafalgar. She met an inglorious end, though. In 1815, she was converted into a prison ship before being broken up in 1835.

July 14

On the 14th in 1865, Edward Whymper and his party made the first ascent of the Matterhorn. Why? Because it was there, I suppose. On the way down, four of the party would fall to their deaths. Years later, Whymper would recall later that "Every night, do you understand, I see my comrades of the Matterhorn slipping on their backs, their arms outstretched, one after the other, in perfect order at equal distances—Croz the guide, first, then Hadow, then Hudson, and lastly Douglas. Yes, I shall always see them…"

July 13

On the 13th in 1919, the British rigid airship R34 arrived at its base in East Fortune, England. On the trip the R34, the crew had accomplished a couple of firsts. When it had arrived in Mineola, New York on July 6, the landing crew at Mineola, which had zero experience handling large, rigid airships, compelled the R34’s captain, Major Pritchard, to parachute to the ground, thus making him the first person to reach America by air. When the party completed the return trip, begun at Mineola, a small town on New York’s Long Island (a rather unimaginative name because it's an island and it's really kind of long) and which took 75 hours, the R34 had completed the first West to East crossing of the Atlantic Ocean by an aircraft.