August 6

At 7:05 in the morning on the 6th in 1926, Gertrude Caroline Ederle slipped into the water at Cap Gris-Nez, France for a leisurely early-morning swim. She must have found the water quite refreshing because 14 and a half hours later she walked ashore in Kingsdown, England. In so doing, she became the first woman to swim the English Channel. I am certain that she did it for the love of swimming and that the money that she was repeatedly paid by several American publishers did not influence her choices that day at all. Previously, in 1925, Ederle swam from lower Manhattan to Sandy Hook, a sure sign that this woman was absolutely twisted when it came to large expanses of open water. I’m fairly certain that her close friends and associates had to keep a close eye on her whenever she ventured too close to large bodies of water and must have been repeatedly put in the position of having to chase off after her as she galloped towards any convenient shoreline that crossed her path.

August 5

Cleveland, Ohio is the alleged birthplace of Rock and Roll (Thank you Alan Freed). Well perhaps not the genre Rock and Roll. Nevertheless, the term Rock and Roll definitely came from Cleveland. Is that enough for a city to stake its claim to fame? I think not. On the 5th in 1914, The American Traffic Signal Company installed the first electric traffic lights in the United States at the intersection of 105th Street and Euclid Avenue in bustling Cleveland. The traffic signal had only two colors. Can you guess which ones? Unsurprisingly, they were red and green. It did have another really neat feature: To alert drivers and, presumably, pedestrians, the signal were also equipped with a buzzer to warn everyone that the lights were going to change. I think it would have been better if the signal came equipped with a speaker system which would broadcast things like ‘Hey, you. Yeah, you, the fat guy with the packages, get ready to run across the street, the light is going to turn green RIGHT NOW!’ That would be much less annoying than a buzzer and the chances for some funny accidents would certainly be greater.

August 4

Fall River is a charming village in Massachusetts, at least it was in 1892. On the 4th Lizzie Borden, a 32 year-old woman, arrived back at her home and discovered that her father, Andrew Jackson Borden, had been murdered in an extraordinarily brutal manner. Her mother was nowhere to be found. After absorbing the shock of her gruesome discovery, the young lady did what anyone in her position would do: she called for the maid. Lizzie’s mother, Sarah Morse Borden, was discovered in the house, in a condition quite similar to her father. Lizzie Borden, at the age of 32, had become an orphan. I think that everyone is familiar with that cute little song about Lizzie. Actually, however, her mother was whacked 18 times, not 40 and her father only 10 times, not 41. Contrary to popular belief, Lizzie was tried for the murders but was acquitted on June 20, 1893, after the jury had deliberated for only 68 minutes.

August 3

On the 3rd in 1527, John Rut, a mariner in the service of England’s Henry VIII, sent the first known letter from North America. The letter, dated at St. John's, Newfoundland, began ‘Pleasing your Honorable Grace to heare [sic] of your servant John Rut with all his company here in good health thanks be to God.’ Henry had chosen Rut to command two ships, the Samson and the Mary Guilford, to search for the mythic Northwest Passage, apparently, that sort of thing was all the rage in the 16th and 17th centuries. The Samson was presumably lost in a storm or sank due to the large amount of ice that was encountered during the crossing. Ice? In August? Rut, aboard the Mary Guilford, made it safely to St. John’s and must have been surprised to find that the place was simply teeming with ships that were busily fishing. Rut and the crew of the Mary Guilford spent some time fishing, and I assume hanging out with the guys, and then, instead of paying attention to Henry’s desire to find the Northwest Passage, Rut turned south. It makes sense, who needs cold like that in August? Well, on second thought, that wouldn’t be too bad with the weather we have been having lately.

August 2

On this day in 1610, Henry Hudson sailed into what it is now known as Hudson Bay. He had been seeking the rumored Northwest Passage and thought he had reached the Pacific Ocean. He really should have stopped at a gas station and asked for directions. He remained in Hudson’s bay, mapping and exploring the region, still seeking the Northwest Passage. When winter set in, the ship became locked in the ice, and it became obvious that they were not going to find a passage through to the Pacific Ocean; Hudson’s crew mutinied and set Hudson, his son and some loyal crewmembers adrift in an open boat. Hudson, et al were never heard from again

August 1

On the 1st, in 1966, Charles Whitman decided to spend the day in the University of Texas’ library tower. Due to Whitman’s decision to do this, a new catch phrase entered the lexicon: ‘We’ll never get him out of the tower.’ I must caution you however: This is a dandy phrase that comes in handy in many situations but, should you decide to use it, you must never, ever use it with out first checking to see if any members of the victims’ families will hear you say it. Had I known that those people lost their sense of humor the instant Whitman opened fire, I might have restrained myself from using the phrase at a dinner party my parents held shortly after the shootings. My witty comment, needless to say, was not really appreciated.

Introduction to August

His imagination resembled the wings of an ostrich. It enabled him to run, though not to soar.
--Thomas Babbington, 1st Baron Macaulay

It seems as if it was only 41 days ago that I found myself thrilled by summer’s grand entrance to the Northern Hemisphere. It probably feels that way for the simple reason that it was only 41 days ago. I yearn now for the carefree feeling of early summer. Life’s opportunities lazily stretched out all the way to the horizon. It was summer, there wasn’t much to be done, and we had all the time in the world to do it in. Now Labor Day has suddenly appeared, dead ahead, we have all sail set and there is a following sea as we careen towards the rocks at summer’s end. Upon re-reading that last sentence, it strikes me that I have absolutely no idea what it all means. I rather liked the way it sounded, however, and I thought I would throw it in. I think it sorta kinda maybe gets across the idea that we are nearing the end of summer, already! It really does not seem fair at all and if I could just remember where I put the warranty card, I would write a strongly worded letter to Life’s customer service department, even if it has been outsourced to Tierra Del Feugo or Mumbai.

July 31

On this day in 1976, NASA released a series of photographs which had been taken by the Viking 1 probe. Included in this group of photographs was a shot which continues to fuel the debate over whether or not life at one time thrived on the Red Planet. In spite of clear, lucid explanations by NASA for the photo, there are those who insist that what is seen in the photograph is convincing proof that an advanced, monument-building, bunch of architecturally inclined creatures once inhabited Mars . For my part, I remain unconvinced. It is a neat shot though.