November 12

I have no way of knowing, but considering the time and place, these rocket scientists may have been breathing a little too much Oregon air. On the 12th in 1970, a dead sperm whale washed ashore in Florence, Oregon. Trust me on this one, after a couple of days a dead cetacean weighing about eight tons starts to get just a little ripe. I can testify to the fact that the beaches along the Oregon coast are always cold, but they are not an adequate substitute for proper refrigeration. In Oregon, all beaches are under the jurisdiction of the state’s Parks and Recreation Department. Curiously, the task of removing Moby from Florence’s lovely waterfront fell on the Oregon Highway Division. Apparently, after meeting with members of the United States Navy, a decision was made to use the same techniques that would be appropriate for removing a very large boulder: just blow the darn thing up. Taking into consideration the fact that this was a big whale and quite dead, they figured that 1000 pounds of dynamite ought to do the trick. The resulting explosion scattered blubber over a wide area, crushing a car and showering areas well away from the beach with icky whale guts. When the smoke cleared what do you think the workers from the Highway Department saw? Go ahead take a guess. If you guessed that they saw a very large, very disfigured, very large dead whale still on the beach you win a prize. Rather, you would have won a prize if I had taken any steps to hold a contest and provide one, which I haven’t.

November 11

The recent nationwide elections are most likely viewed by beleaguered President Bush as a real train wreck. To be fair, the elections weren’t a train wreck at all. When he has a moment I suggest that our Chief Executive toddle on over to the Library of Congress and put those dusty books to some use. Once there he should reacquaint himself with fellow President and, by an extremely convoluted trail, Republican, John Quincy Adams. On the 11th in 1833, Adams was traveling back to Washington, D. C. by train. He was the first president involved in a real train wreck when the Camden & Amboy train he was traveling on broke an axle and derailed near Hightstown, New Jersey. Adams was not injured and managed to continue the trip the following day.

November 10

In 1869, Sir Henry Morton Stanley (pictured)was hired by the New York Herald to locate Scottish explorer David Livingston. On the 10th in 1871, he finally found Livingston near Lake Tanganyika and uttered the very famous line “Dr. Livingston, I presume.” Contrary to what the Moody Blues say, there is no evidence to suggest that Livingston responded by saying “I’ve seen butterflies galore, I’ve seen people big and small and I’ve still not found what I’m looking for.”

November 9

Finally, the elections are over and we can relax for a while. We can bid a fond farewell to the annoying sound bites and repulsive advertisements. Not for too long however because it is a certainty that as soon as the storefronts for the candidates are closed new storefronts will open and serve as bases for the next round of elections. So, enjoy the quiet while you can. Should you care to take the time to look around you will find that there are many good things to ponder. For example, one good thing is that Jack the Ripper killed Mary Jane Kelly on the 9th in 1888. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do not mean to imply that Miss Kelly’s death was a good thing because that was a truly awful thing for Jack to have done. What makes the murder a good thing is that Mary Jane was Jack’s last victim. More properly, she was the Ripper’s last known victim. And that is a very good thing.

November 8

On the 8th in 1899, the Bronx Zoo opened its doors to the public, boasting 22 exhibits and 843 animals. In 1905, with fewer than 1,000 American bison alive in the wild, William T. Hornaday, first director of the zoo, who possessed a deep and abiding interest in bison, started to build the Zoo’s herd. Hornaday was instrumental in obtaining national protection for the American bison, a species decimated by hunting in the 19th century. Beginning in 1907, the Bronx Zoo began shipping New York bison to new homes at the Oklahoma Wichita Mountain Preserve. Eventually the Bronx Zoo, under Hornaday’s guidance, would send bison to refuges in Montana, South Dakota and Nebraska. The descendants of the Bronx’s bison are easy to pick out in the herd; they’re the ones with the bad attitudes and sneers.

November 7

Today is Election Day. While, unfortunately, the presidency is not up for grabs there is quite a lot at stake in those offices that are being contested. Thankfully, the campaigns will be over today and with any luck, there will not be any electioneering for a while so that we can manage to catch our breaths. The childish bickering that has marked most of the campaigns for the various offices is tiresome, borders on loathsome and serves to distract us from the real issues of importance. As you prepare to go to the polls and exercise your right to vote I urge you to take a moment, however brief that may be, to consider just what it is about the American political system that is truly and deeply important. There are lessons to be learned from the past and we can look to the past residents of the Executive Mansion for guidance. Consider that in the more than 200 years that we have been a nation there have been five presidents who have had beards (Abraham Lincoln, though he cut corners and lost the moustache; Ulysses S. Grant; Rutherford B. Hayes; James A. Garfield and Benjamin Harrison). There have been four presidents who had moustaches but no beards (Chester A. Arthur; Grover Cleveland; Theodore Roosevelt and William H. Taft). Seven presidents had long hair: (George Washington; John Adams; Thomas Jefferson; James Madison; Andrew Jackson; Martin Van Buren and James K. Polk). There were 12 follicularly challenged presidents: John Adams, James Madison, John Quincy Adams, Martin Van Buren (pictured, or is it Larry from The Three Stooges?), James K. Polk, Zachary Taylor, Millard Fillmore, James Buchanan, James A. Garfield, Grover Cleveland, William McKinley, and Dwight D. Eisenhower. Have a good day and good luck with the hanging chads.

November 6

There is one fact of life that I not only did not get in grammar school; I have not been able to get it to this day. Such a fuss is made about how we live in a democracy with the rule of “one person, one vote” and the person with the most votes is elected. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work? I suppose that the election debacle in Florida where the guy with the least votes got to be president should have washed away any lingering illusions I might have had that votes actually mean something, but I still don’t get it. In the U.S. presidential election, held on November 6, 1888 incumbent Grover Cleveland received 5,534,488 votes and the challenger Benjamin Harrison received 5,443,892 votes. So, who was elected President? Cleveland? Nope. Harrison got more votes from the Electoral College, personally I think they were swayed by the beard, so he became the big cheese. (My apologies to those involved in the manufacture of dairy products.)

November 5

The next item has been a favorite of mine ever since John Lennon asked the question “Do you remember the fifth of November?” On the 5th, in 1605, England’s King James I was scheduled to address both houses of Parliament during the opening session of the 1605 parliament. Guy Fawkes was arrested when he was found in the basement with lots of gunpowder, preparing to assassinate James I and give the British another holiday – Guy Fawkes Day.