February 14

On the 14th in 1779, James Cook, renowned British maritime explorer and navigator, was clubbed to death and, in all likelihood, eaten by the indigenous peoples of the Hawaiian Islands. This was the result of an altercation that began over a small boat stolen from Cook’s ship. Personally, I think the native population was upset that Cook had the temerity to rename their homeland The Sandwich Islands, after the 4th Earl of Sandwich, who at the time was the acting First Lord of the Admiralty and thus Cook’s boss. It should seem painfully obvious even to the most casual observer that Cook’s biggest mistake was being such a brown nose.